What were you thinking?

This week's blog might not excite and delight you as much as my usual dazzling array of tantalising tunes. My pre-Mancunian derby nerves has brought out the negative in me so I'm choosing five tracks I loathe by artists I love. I could of course make this easy and choose middling bands who I can take or leave, or dip into the catalogue or once great bands on the slide (yes I mean you Rivers Cuomo). Each track is by an artist released at the peak of their powers which contrasts sharply with the rest of their brilliance.

Bugger I may have set myself a very tough task. Time to get myself a brew and put the thinking cap on.

All Around the World by Oasis
It seems prescient to choose the famous Citeh fans as my first victims. Oasis were the band that made me want to learn guitar. Thankfully they also ensured that all their songs were simple enough for a clumsy teenager to learn and for that I will always be grateful to Noel. My sister and I collected everything they ever released (including imports) and I have spent many a duel with keyboard warriors defending their output. That most certainly extends to Be Here Now which was the victim of absurd revisionism when lazy journalists went from hailing it a masterpiece (which is isn't) to a catastrophe (which again, it isn't) inside of about a year. The album was made at their commercial peak and featured some truly brilliant tracks - Don't Go Away, D'yer Know What I mean? and the Girl in the Dirty Shirt. This abomination though is lazy Beatles parody at its worst - and not even good Beatles (more of that later). Everything about it sounds tired and laboured and one can only presume Noel dusted it off to finish the album asap so he could go and snort some more of his fortune.



Yellow Submarine by The Beatles
The track that killed the dream of the perfect album. If Revolver was a steak it would be lean, moist, juicy, succulent, with one unpleasant knot of fat so frustratingly placed that it threatens to ruin the whole gastronomic experience. Yellow Submarine is that fat. It isn't the worst song ever performed by the band - Hey Jude on repeat is my musical room 101 - but it is undoubtedly the most bewildering insert to an LP tracklisting I have ever known. Maybe Lennon, McCartney and Harrison didn't want to leave themselves with nowhere to go? Maybe Lennon wanted to see what he could get away given the manic adulation they received? Surely anyone else proposing a drug addled, children's nursery rhyme sung by the drummer would be told to forget it?  I have no idea, but what I do know is this song is wretched.



Whatz Ya Phone Number? - Tupac Shakur
'Does a bear shit in the woods and wipe his ass with a rabbit?' This track has long threatened to cross the line into 'so bad it's good' territory. I wouldn't suggest for a moment that All Eyez On Me is one of the great albums but it was made by Tupac at his commercial peak; Cali love, I aint mad atcha, Heartz of Men, Life Goes On, and All Bout U are superb singles. The problem with the album - like many of the era - is how hideously bloated it is which allows room for this slice of dire, dire music. The track literally consists of Tupac 'sexy talking' on the phone for five minutes. For a man capable of poetry in his more reflective moments the lyrics are sub-viz and in many ways reflect all that is wrong with misogynistic, production line, commercial rap music.



You were Always on my Mind by Ryan Adams
It would be very hypocritical of me to save the golden boy from criticism so here it is - a Ryan Adams cover which is completely unnecessary and achieves the ignominy of bringing a brilliant album to a close on whimper. The intro is promising, building the expectation that this is going to be great and it just... well isn't. Don't get me wrong, this is a superb song. Elvis brings gravitas in the way that only he could, Pet Shop Boys gave their own unique twist and I even have a soft spot for the Willie Nelson version; so why did Adams decide to tag on his own lukewarm effort? I have no idea and given the amount of chemicals in his blood stream at the time I suspect he couldn't offer an explanation either.



Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder
Praise be that my Dad has no idea about this blog else I suspect I would be in for a dose of his version of  the 'hairdryer treatment.' Wonder was a God in my house growing up and rightly so - Innervisions is a contender for my favourite album of all time. However this song does my head in. The sentiment is commendable, the tune is jaunty and enjoyable and it features Stevie's harmonica skills which can never be a bad thing. So why do I loathe it? It goes on, and on, and on, and on, ad infitum. It marks the moment in Songs in the Key of Life where 'less is more' is decisively thrown out the window. Sadly too much of side two is overblown and borderline over-indulgent. Do I need to hear the baby being born? No. Do I need to listen to bath time whilst the same relentlessly upbeat melody drones on? Definitely not. If you try and slog through the entire song your love of Wonder diminishes to such an extent that you would gladly shove that harmonica down his gullet if it would just make him please, please, stop!

Dance, dance, dance the night away

Swift blog today as much to be doing but I thought I'd kick off a mini-series of five great tracks from a chosen genre. I'm conscious that my love of North American Indie could come to dominate this blog if I'm not careful and as there are other bloggers who do it far better 'everybody cares, everybody understands' and 'I am fuel, you are friends' are two great examples.

So genre one, and it's not one I am especially knowledgeable of so apologies if my choices are highly offensive:

DANCE

I love a good dance. I have very little rhythm but what I lack in technique I make up for in enthusiasm. All kinds of music can be great for dancing - Motown and Northern Soul being the best - so I've always taken issue with the label of dance but I'll stick with it for this.

Heads will Roll by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
 

I accept that YYYs are far from a dance act and perhaps suggest I am immediately cheating but for me this is a straight down the line dance music and is all the better for it. There is something exciting about a band exploring a new genre but so often it falls flat and frankly embarassing (yes I mean you Bloc Party). However Karen O and friends manage to produce a relentless, pounding track which is humanly impossible not to at the very least tap your foot to.

U Don't  Know Me by Armand van Helden


This is a slice of unashamed commercial dance which topped the charts at the top of the charts when dance was king. 99% of commercial dance at this time was garbage and forgettable - Wamdu project, Toca's Miracle, blah, blah. This however had a hook which sticks in your head without getting incredibly annoyingly. I think the trick is to follow quite a conventional song structure in terms of verse and chorus thus avoiding the hook becoming repetitive. Analysis aside, it is a brilliant track that livened up many a Kendalian night out.



Aerodynamic by Daft Punk


It would be quite wrong of me not to include a Daft Punk track in the five and I plumped for Aerodynamic for a reason. Discovery was the first 'dance' album I ever fell in love with. As only a cliched 18year old could I played the mini-disc (!) the moment I crossed the border into France when inter-railing and along with Air it formed the soundtrack to my enlightenment which is so often tread by guitar loving indie kids. Aerodynamic stand out because it begins with an unintentional homage to ACDC and boasts one of the finest guitar riffs of any song. Magnifique.

Setting Sun by The Chemical Brothers (feat. Noel Gallagher)

'Noel Gallagher on a dance record? Oasis' Noel Gallagher? My beloved Oasis' Noel Gallagher on a *spits* dance record?' It is fair to say that as a frankly obnoxious fourteen year old the prospect of the man who made me learn guitar and want to be in a band teaming up with some drug addled ravey types was not a happy one. My immaturity was exposed yet again as the result was a track which sits happily alongside any of Gallagher's other output and most pleasing of all may have contributed to Oasis' bold decision to experiment with loops on Fucking in the Bushes to great effect. Setting Sun has an apocalyptic sense of desperation with Noel's vocals placed cleverly low enough in the mix to create the feeling of an all encompassing storm led by the driving drum loop. The two artists would collaborate again on the enjoyable but less exciting Let Forever Be and not to be outdone Liam lent a terrific guest vocal to Death in Vegas' Scorpio Rising. Death in Vegas were even recruited to produce Don't Believe the Truth which promised a dramatic change of direction but proved a step too far and the sessions are now confined to online rarities.


Tomorrow Never Knows by The Beatles


I know doubters still exist but they are ignorant fools, The Beatles are actually underrated to the extent that trash like Hey Jude is considered by the majority to be their peak yet their innovation and pushing of musical boundaries is appreciated by comparitively few. It has been said before that you can chart a person's musical awakening by which Beatles songs they enjoy. Like most I grew up loving the perfect guitar pop of Hard Days Night, etc but it is only when you delve into the delights of the Eastern infused tracks and experimentation of the White Album and Revolver that you recognise their true majesty. One accolade that is rarely bestowed upon The Beatles is their invention of dance music as we know it but Tomorrow Never Knows is exactly that. If you don't believe me listen again to Setting Sun and tell me there isn't a nod to The Beatles in the use of loops. It is something of a quirk that even when stepping out of his comfort zone Noel still managed to supply a hefty nod to the Fab Four.


I'd love to know your favourite dance tracks or critical slating of my choices so if you read, please leave a message. After all, just like Chrissy the Witch says, I'm you.